Love and tenderness

Love is tender, because it always gives priority to the feeling of mate. So it wants his comfort more than own comfort.

Love is made of tender feelings like forgiveness, tenderness, trust, softness. Real love is always willing to forgive, trust. Till the day that trust is shattered to pieces, but that day love also leaves. Or else it rises above any expectations and touches divine. It lets go even the least expectation from the mate. His betrayal, untrustworthiness no longer matter to her. She loves him just the way he is. But such love is not that common.

Love that is not tender and trusting is usually not love, something swinging very close to it but not touching it. It either touches it and becomes complete or dries away with time.

No real lover will treat his mate harshly or unkindly, with anger or venom, mistrust or unkindness. When these symptoms start to crop up in some relationship that means love is slipping away from it.

People often cling to such relationships to cause themselves greater pain in future.

Love and acceptance

When we truly love someone we accept him or her. With his whole being. Don’t try to change him unless its something harmful for him. Even then, the reason for changing is his welfare not our own sake.

I personally think that we can’t change anyone. I have seen too many lovers bitterly accusing each other just because they failed to change the other, or because they are too demanding.

Every human being has a right to be himself or herself. Love means accepting this simple truth. That our lover is not a doll handed out to us, a doll we can dress up the way we want. In that case he will have to be lifeless. Every living being has his own will and ways and he will act as per them. By not accepting we will only cause miseries.

Love and mutual respect

Love never wants its own authority. Its own way or submission of its loved one. Love knows how to respect the identity and freedom of its mate, loved one.

Love can never survive without mutual respect. If both the mates don’t respect each other that relationship won’t last. No matter how deep the passion or love is it will ebb away unless they learn to respect and trust each other.

Mutual respect is foundation of every fruitful relationship. No one can deny this truth.

Before loving a person one should better check if he can respect and trust that person. If he can do these two then love will automatically follow and the relationship will stay. But if there is only love then it will fill up the hearts for a while then slowly ebb away.

Love and religion

Love knows no chain. True love rises above every obstacle. It’s a bond of hearts and souls. And when two heart and soul are bond together they can overcome any obstacle.

 

But before starting such a journey one should first search one’s soul. Because difference of belief, faith is the greatest reason behind enmity of men. So we should think really well how much we will be able to respect the faith of our loved one, even if it is exactly opposite to ours. Or if their faith makes them do something which is disgusting in our eyes. Say for example, cow is a very holy animal in Hinduism but most of the other religions allow eating them. No orthodox Hindu will eat cow or eat in a utensil which has cooked cow. Well, this is the only example cropped in my mind.

 

Though I am not a very orthodox person but I wont eat cow and wont feel really comfortable to eat from a pot which has not been washed after being used to keep beef.

 

A belief with which we are born is next to impossible to shake off. But if two people love each other they can adjust. I have heard Muslim girls giving up beef or even non veg after marrying vegetarian families or muslim men not eating beef at home after marrying hindu girls. The main point is respect for each other’s faith I believe. In case of religion that faith has to be really firm.

 

They will have to think what they will do if all of a sudden their people of their religions start to riot with each other.

Love and passion

Passion, romanticism, possessiveness, jealousy…. These all are essential ingredients of a fully bloomed love. Of course human love. There are few people who rise above all these feelings and can love selflessly, I believe in their existence but am yet to meet one. I am quite human, so I will talk about the mortal love not angelic love.

 

These feelings in a controlled and mild dose make love really spicy but if we let them grow they can ruin the love.

 

They are just like grass in a garden, I wont like a garden which has no patch of grass in it. Actually I like gardens which are a mix of natural and human actions. A little touch of nature to feel her grandeur but not too much, because that will choke the delicate plants.

 

Just like that, a little jealousy, a little possessiveness now and then adds the rustic charm to the divine feeling of love. It makes it a little unpredictable, a little fun. But it should never outgrow love itself.

 

Love should be the final say of the relationship.

Love and adjustment

This is the trap where a lot of beautiful relationships fall and die. We think that mutual consent is the end of the struggles of a relationship. Hard days are over, now they live happily ever after. In reality its just the other way round. It is the beginning of adjustments.

 

Two different personalities start to adjust with each other on a day to day basis, or may be on a round the clock basis. They have to adjust to every thing of the other one.

 

If we look at our parents or the earlier generations we will realize that adjustment is not that tough. If both of them try then it can work like magic.  We have to think about the compatibility before starting a relationship, not after going half way through it. Of course if we are the committed type. Non committal persons can walk out of any relationship at any time.

 

If we forget the truth that a relationship is fifty percent love and fifty percent adjustment then we will be soon flying in air without any support underneath.

 

This is one of the main reasons that very passionate relationships often end up in constant frictions. We fool ourselves by not thinking about changing ourselves at all or dreaming that we will change our mate as per our wishes and comfort.

 

Adjustment is the price we pay for true love. The stronger the love is the greater is the desire and determination of adjustment

Expressing love

You know which songs I hate most? The old Hindi movie songs which advocated that true love does not uses tongue or actions to express itself.

 

Come on! How will the other one understand it then? By magic or by thought-reading?

 

I personally believe and will always believe that if you love someone you should always let that person know clearly that you love that person and always will. Of course if you don’t want to lose him. Or else you may hide that feeling and see him walk away forever, thinking he does not means any thing to you.

 

I personally believe that unless the chances of meeting are impossible, any sincere person should express his feelings, and any sincere woman should give clear hints of her feelings to her lover and in case of others she too will act just like a man, express herself. In case of love I can certainly understand feminine shyness.

 

By mentioning the term “chances of meeting are impossible” I wanted to say some relationships just don’t or can’t work out, so its better to hide them, instead of expressing them and acting like a fool.

 

When I was a young girl I used to commute in school bus, there was a senior girl in the bus who had a huge crush on Ravi Shastri; she even used to dream of her. That innocent girl used to share her dreams with everyone who used to laugh at her behind her back. Well, she was a student of school so in her case it was obviously childish but we adults also sometimes fall in love with stars, in those cases I would suggest to not express them. Otherwise, one should express one’s feelings as long as its respectable and respected.

Happily childless

I dote after children. Have doted after them since my early childhood because they have brought only happiness in my life. I have once brought up a spitz puppy from one month to the day she died, eleven years later.

 

She brought out the maternal instinct in me and I realized how precious that feeling is, and I realized how precious children are to their parents.

 

Well, very frankly speaking I think I am too independent minded and self respecting to marry as per Indian traditional way and too shy to look for a husband myself so I stayed happily unattached.

 

There was a time, till my mid thirties I guess when I used to pine a little for a child of my own. My own born. Then when I notice the horrible speed at which the atrocity against children is shooting upwards I feel happy that I did not bring a child in this violent world which does not love its offspring. I know very well that I would have doted after him or her too much.

 

Since last five years or so I have thanked God quite a lot that she did not listened to my requests. If I ever long for a child I would rather attach myself to an orphanage.

Beautiful gestures

When I was a child I have been taught by my parents that we should say thank you to everyone who does some thing good to us, and sorry when we do something bad to someone.

 

The same thing has been taught in schools I have learnt. I have personally added a few things to it, I think we all can practice it with the touch of heart, or else it will become a façade.

 

One, I always find out a quality in a person who compliments me, and if not then, later pay him or her a compliment. Actually I like paying compliments voluntarily, and finding out qualities in people. I think by paying a person a compliment I spread a little harmless happiness. That’s a thing worth spreading to me.

 

Two, if someone helps me, I certainly try to help him back. Let it be paying a compliment on my cooking skill, writing skill or something else. I either help him back in the same manner or some other. One of my blogger friends taught me two invaluable things, that moment I promised myself that I will support him in his ventures, but truthfully. I don’t pay false compliments on serious issues, or don’t give false boost. I always say the truth when it comes to serious things, but often pay false compliments on looks, or cooking etc.

 

For today, just these two. May be I will share a little more in future. I believe if we cherish manners, beautiful gestures, coursey, thankfulness and grace it will make us even more attractive to those who will come in touch with us.

be responsible

People often say that the things which happen to us are results of our own actions, in this life or past life.

 

I don’t believe in this, because I have seen evil flourish and virtue perish more than a thousand times. But I believe that when we take the responsibility and consequences of our willing actions with dignity and strength we prove that we are matured.

 

If we have that strength in ourselves two benefits can be reaped from that, one, we will think ten times before doing any thing which may cause negative impact. Two, we will go to sleep with a peaceful mind, we will know that we committed a mistake and we paid the price. We bore the punishment with dignity, we did not cried or complained or attempted to blame some one else for our own fault. I think it’s a very big victory upon our own weakness, the tendency of disowning our own mistakes.

 

So my earnest prayer to God is to give me the mental strength to be  fully responsible for my own, willing actions and accept their consequences, by heart, soul and mind.

A thief’s heart

I have read it in too many books and too many stories that I started to test its authenticity from quite an early childhood.

It did not took me long to realize its authenticity. A thief’s heart is rarely at rest. It is always afraid, partly because it is scared that the true owner will claim and win the stolen property and partly because he knows that it can be stolen from him too. Its not very tough to steal, any one can do it. People don’t steal because they don’t want to, or their conscience does not allow them do it. Not because they are incapable of doing it. So his heart is always afraid.

Then comes the prick of conscience and the fear of punishment. Greed for more adds up with all these. At the end if we see the stealing takes its price with interest.

Nothing is more peaceful and happy than an easy conscience. Its pockets may be empty but its heart and soul is full, brimming.