appreciating own company

People often get scared by this thought, spending time with oneself. But if we think thoroughly, is there any person in this world who is absolutely out of human touch? Unless he lives in some god forbidden place.

 

We always have so many things around us which keep us directly or indirectly connected to others..phone, television, radio, internet, books, movies….

 

I am not asking anyone to confine himself or herself to rooms and live a lonely life against will. My opinion is in today’s busy world if we are forced a life where we don’t have much company or no company at all then enjoy that solitude.

 

People of younger age are more vulnerable to this feeling, I too have been once. I lived away for a year in a state where nothing was common to west bengal, and only handcounted relatives. So I used to spend my free time roaming around the roads in my sunny or licking the brain of a tenant of the same house.

 

But slowly I made a habit of staying alone, I saw people will raise their eyebrow in both cases and pass remarks, but in the second condition, that is my present way of life, I will have full control on my time, my life and I will never feel like a fool when I will look back at it.

 

I utilize my time with myself by  listening to music, writing, reading or working. There are too many productive hobbies we can take up. But I always take up a hobby to enjoy, not to toil on. They always leave me refreshed, looking forward to do it again. We should always select hobbies which wil leave us a better person, and enhance our capacity as a human being.

A little promise to myself

In this world of pain and betrayal not to lose my heart and spirit if my expression of love, respect and trust is misinterpreted

 

Instead of getting hurt making my heart and soul strong enough to radiate these feelings irrespective of the responses.

 

People get so much hurt because of their innocent nature that they flinch at every hand stretched at them.

 

I promise myself to be nonchalant toward their reaction as much as I can, and keep my heart and soul full of affection, respect and love for as many fellow human beings as possible.

 

We can never know why a person bites the hand that feeds him, may be someone has misused his gratitude in the past one too many times. Or may be his past is so dark that he cant see light in human beings. I should try not to judge his actions, in place of that I should let his rudeness trickle down my soul like a drop of water trickles down the leaf to grass, without leaving behind a scar.

 

In place of expecting rewards from human beings I should hope that God, who sees it all, blesses me with more chances of serving his children happily.

Cherished

Feeling of being cherished… this is what most of the average human beings look forward to. Just look inside your soul, you will notice this truth.

 

We fall in love to be cherished by a person we admire, we make a friend because we cherish his company and hope that he does the same.

 

Even though my friends often contradict on this point with me, they often say that love, affection should be unselfish. One should not expect any thing from a friend etc etc. I don’t know whether they can really follow these in real life or they just say it to make themselves look good I have completely failed in judging the truth in their point of view, because I have often observed that these people demand the maximum amount of obedience from their mates. Not only that, I have seen that only noncommittal people say these things. So, their words and actions conflict. I personally believe that people who are committed will always expect or hope for commitment from their object of affection or love. As they are giving out their best why shall they compromise for some thing less?

 

They don’t have any confusion about their intention, they know it very well and clear that they will love and cherish their partner till the end, if every thing moves the way it is moving now, so, why shall they not expect the very same in return?

 

Even if we observe animals we will see when they are together, if one of them licks the other, or preens the other the second one too starts doing the same, if not the first one nudges its mate, and if it is unresponsive he also stops. That means it’s a basic instinct to expect love in return of love. There is nothing to feel guilty in it.

 

I have once read a poem, I have forgotten the name of the poet but that poem left an everlasting impact on  my mind, it said some thing like … if you love me don’t be silent, tell me now, because there will be enough silence once I am in my grave… I too believe that, we are blessed with only one life, hence why not spend it sharing affection and warmth? Giving love and having it in return. If the object of our affection does not feels affectionate towards us why shall we not move on and look for some one who will feel affectionate towards us? This is one question I have always pondered on, and have decided after becoming worldly wise that we should move on. Because to get love one must love. Its better to share love than waste one’s life with an unloving, uncaring person and regret later.

Aging with grace

Aging is a process which is often looked at with dismay, a feeling of nostalgia. I feel quite the other way round. I think that aging has its own glory, own merits and advantages.

 

We can look at it with an era of enjoying our inner strengths which is compensated for the outer glamour and strength we lose in aging process.

 

I will cite my favourite four, first one is forgiving oneself. After crossing thirty I have seen a strange transformation in myself, if it has been an ongoing process then it was too subtle to notice. I suddenly noticed that I have become sweet to myself regarding my own faults. I easily forgive myself for forgetting important things, making serious mistakes. Things for which I used to scowl at myself don’t even cause a frown. Instead, I gently remind myself that to err is human, and smile. Now this forgiving tendency is not toward my own faults only, it has proportionately increased for faults of others too. I was always lot more forgiving to others than I was to myself, now it has increased even more.

 

Second one is accepting my physical defects and appearance cheerfully. Before crossing thirty if some one told me that I am too skinny, or questioned about any other defects of mine I used to fume for days. Now it has slashed down, unless that person is too rude I often laugh it away with him or her. Ten years ago walking out of home meant I had to take care of lot of things, my looks, my dress and much more. Now all I concentrate is on casting an impression of cleanliness, that’s it. I don’t care of assumptions of people any more. I can travel half way to the other end of kolkata dressed up casually. Same thing is applied to others, I never judged people by their dress or appearance though, now it has become even more lenient.

 

Third one is enjoying today, without sobbing for yesterday or pining for a golden tomorrow. To be content and thankful for what I am now. That does not means that I have stopped working for tomorrow,but unlike my pre thirty time, now I have started to relish today, learning from yesterday and working toward tomorrow. But treating today as last day of my life, which it can be. So never losing the chance to make some one smile.

 

Fourth one is my favourite one, loving without expecting and desire to own the beloved. A thing which I thought is impossible for a passionate person like me. Now with wisdom controlling passion I have realized the greatest truth, happiness of a loving heart lies in the happiness of the beloved. Earlier I used to take all, possible attempts to stay in the heart of my loved ones, but now the process has become exactly opposite. Now I try my level best to go only that far after which I may lose my loved one from my heart.

 

humanity and gratitude

Six: Gratitude, humanity and other virtues

These things were taught to us from our parents, schools, and the immense treasure of books and songs that I came in contact through out my growing age and later years.

We have been brought up in a very humble manner, a lot of money was spent on our mental and spiritual development but in case of physical luxuries only the necessary spending was done.

From very childhood when we used to complain for things which others have our parents used to ask her to take a peek in the homes of the gangmans and see the hardships their children face. Hence from very childhood we learnt to concentrate on our privilleges, not our drawbacks. We learnt that hunger is a never ending cycle. Blessed are those who relish whatever is on their plate. Every time I feel a little bored with what is in my plate, that is my life, I feel about those who are deprived from even that. It does not makes me arrogant, it makes me humble, thankful to God. I feel blessed for every thing which I have, and the content from that.

We were taught to always share with others, to help those who are weak in study or other things. Later I gathered one big truth, if we share with others, they may not give us the return personally, or may not be grateful but someone else takes the count and returns. I still remember my college days, I was juggling too many things together, yet I studied as much as I could and I always shared my notes with my close friends, without least hesitation. We all studied with the same notes, I don’t know whether they read mine or not, but I gave it to them any way, but when the results came out I was extremely happy with mine. I secured fourth place among more than 250 students of morning section with a big, non scoring subject like economics. I some how deeply believe that if we help others without any expectation God rewards us, because we don’t even expect her rewards. But she rewards any way.

Truthfulness is another thing which has helped me throughout my life, we have been taught from the very childhood to practice it, even though I was too timid to practice it in my childhood, I used to lie my heads off, but after I grew up, I slowly took the side of truth and stayed with it. But I have a policy, which I don’t regret, I strongly believe that only my well wishers deserve a truth from me. People with the most harmful intention are usually the most prying ones, and if we give out our truths to them, they will use it against us at the first chance, so one should be truthful to those who deserve it. To others they can do whatever they want.

Taking consequences of my own action without cursing myself. This is a habit since childhood. I always practice discipline, and when I break that I don’t complain with the consequences. Instead of that I openly admit that I have made a mistake and am paying the price. Whatever the mistake is. I never shove it down the carpet hoping others will not notice, some one or else will sure drag it out by the least visible portion and then I may have to dive for the carpet. So my policy is if I stumble I will tell it. I am a human being, so its but normal that I will stumble. I am not going to kill myself for that. I will just get up and walk again, but wont hide the truth that I fell down so that others may learn the lesson.

There are many other virtues, which we ourselve have to decide, which are best for us. I pointed out only four of them, which mean a lot to me.

Discipline and manners

Five: Discipline and manners

We have been taught these things in an age when we were not even aware of our human existence I presume. Because I have been aware of these two things since my early childhood, but I never heard my parents telling us these things.

We knew that we will have to get out of bed at our own, clean the bed, brush our teeth, pack our school bags and leave for school. Leaving a neat and clean room behind.

When we are at any one else’s home, we will not disturb any thing, wont ask for any thing even if it’s a piece of heaven, wont touch a single thing without permission.

These small manners, and disciplines help us through out our life. I personally very strongly believe that discipline and manners taught from the family builts up the citizen.

We belong to different social standards, and we mix and mingle with people of different standards, so if we are taught from the childhood that we should not touch any thing which is not our, we learn to control greed, and slowly it moves out of our system.

If we practice to speak in a low volume, in a decent manner, we become more compatible to others.

If we learn to take care of our personal hygiene from very childhood it becomes a life long habit. But the parents should be looking over this portion, whether or not the child is doing it properly.

If we learn from the childhood to clean the mess we have created that will be a lesson to be treasured through out our live. That spares us from the habits of shoving dirt under carpet or leaving a messy place.

These small disciplines and manners, if taught from the very childhood become a part of one’s personality. It becomes a lot easier for the child when he grows up and enters the real world. He does not have to undergo drastical changes to fit the real world. Instead of that, he just have to undergo some minor changes to fit in.

Learning discipline and manners does not means one’s childhood is hampered, I can bet with anyone and everyone that the immense liberty and joy which I derived from that liberty is rarely enjoyed by any one. I was as free as a wild bird, after performing my duties, the discipline and manners only enhanced that joy. Because I knew my limits.

This combination of manners and independence made the foundations of a life which is extremely satisfactory and a personality which is ready and eager to face all types of challenge of life.

simple tricks

Three : Simple mechanical fixing etc

I really lament the lack of this knowledge, when I was in my teenage I have often searched for such institutes which provide crash courses on electronics, carpentry, fixing of household gadgets etc in my small town. It came ten years later, but by that time I was fully engrossed in my career.

But that’s not the scenario any more, now even small towns have such facilities, so if children are enrolled in such courses during summer vacations, they make them far more complete as a human being. It enhances their skills, their self confidence and their capacity to handle trivial problems. In today’s world both boys and girls go out of their family home at young age, and sometimes they live in far away cities alone, so, they have to play the role of both.. the man and woman in their bachelor’s den, these tricks will become too handy for them then.
Not only that, these small skills like a crash course in painting, beautician, doll making, carpentary, electricals, electronics can boost up one’s self satisfaction level to a great limit.

I have always pursued multiple things in life, even though I am not talented but I have tried my hands on writing, painting, singing, guitar etc. Small town environment did not gave me much chance to pursue my fascinations but whatever expertise I gathered I relish it till now. I am a home manager, my hobbies are giving me immense joy and happiness. And I can understand another big truth, that if I had the chance of learning every thing I wanted to learn starting from beautician to doll making, I would have easily earned a hefty pocket money straight from home.

Learning only the materials supplied by school, college and university does not makes a complete human being. We have a life outside our career. To fully develop ourselve as satisfied human beings we should concentrate on our inner self, and try to learn things which will make us more complete and happy.

One should be careful about one thing only, that these hobbies don’t hamper his main career or studies related to that, these should be treated as only hobbies, and he should fix time for these, a fixed time capsule during which he will be doing all of these, and should not cross that time limit. That will teach him putting priority before enjoyment. A big lesson in self control.

That lesson will be proved handy time and time again during his career, when he will have to select between the boring special class after office and date with girl friend.

a must knowledge

TWO : Knowledge against pedophile:

Almost every day these repulsive news are dished out in media, we all read it, but very rare parents take the necessary actions.


This is one thing Indian parents never share with children and as a result these innocents have to go through hell. Our society does not permits us to discuss every thing with our parents and vice versa. Its not that these parents don’t care about the well being of their children, its just that average indian is too shy in these cases. But being shy can be fatal for the children or worse.Children don’t deserve this, so as an adult its our duty to save them from these things. We cant depend on schools, because the teachers don’t have that much intimacy of thoughts with children, they are usually professional beings, out to earn their bread.


I personally believe every mother should make it her duty to well inform her child about these mentally deranged species, who look and act like human beings but are not. Because the way a mother can care for her child, or the mental intimacy she has with them hardly tallies with any one else. They should clearly train their children, to distinguish different types of touches, and how far can any one go before the child complains to you. Every parent should have a friendly relationship with children, which will encourage him or her to share any thing uncomfortable happening with him or her with you. The mental barrier between your children and you should be completely eliminated. They should feel free to discuss with you everything under the sky.


But don’t count on only that, keep a caring eye on his or her behaviour. Because abused children don’t act normally. They are either suffering from immense guilt conscience, rage, pain or fear.


Its not a thing to be taken lightly, if you will read the surveys it will give you shock, that how some people who look like human beings fail to act like them. So with the present state of society and law and order, its our duty to take care of our children. In place of having blind faith on others that they will protect or teach our children, it should be done by us.

Having faith is essence of happy life but having blind faith on others is often the gateway to hell. As the children are your piece of heart, you should be the one who will be taking care of him. Its better to take the step before its too late.

Gardening or keeping a pet

There are a few things which Indian parents often forget to teach the children, and as a result they are either deprived from some great joys or suffer dearly. I have jotted down six of them, and have distributed them in four posts. Even though I don’t and wont have a child of my own, but thought about sharing it with parents:

Four. Gardening or keeping a pet:

Quite contrary to us, who were brought up in a family where only one of the spouses went out for job, most of the children today are brought up in a family where both of their parents are either stuck up in full time jobs, or one of them is stuck up in a full time job and the other is busy playing the role of both.

The children too are too busy in their own life, the journey to and fro the school, the tutions and other activities consume half of the life force and time. In such a hectic and mechanical world, a little garden or a pet can give a child lot of happiness. It will give him the joy of creation, and the sense of responsibility.

But one have to be clear about one thing, if a child keeps a pet he will be the one who will be taking care of him or her, ofcourse under the parent’s supervision. I remember when I was a child my father always used to have a huge garden and a pair of dogs. Those dogs naturally gave birth to puppies, and he used to allow my older siblings to adopt them and take care of them. They were just teenagers then, yet they did it quite expertly. By taking care meant feeding, giving water, brushing, vaccinating every thing. I still remember that both of the dogs which they brought up were quite cute and they even taught them some simple tricks of obedience. Even though its not possible for me to say whether my father supervised.

Apart from pets they each were handed over a piece of land in the garden and asked to plant whatever they wanted in it. My father and mother, both were wonderful gardeners themselves, atleast that’s what I think, never interfered in their small gardens. Only my eldermost brother was my father’s assistant. They used to work on the remaining garden when he was back home from dispensary, or when he was away to the dispensary. One thing should be kept in mind, if a child is going to have a garden he will be tending it, under the guidelines of parents of course.

As I have done both of the things in my childhood and since then, believe me, it helps to grow a lot. If you know that some living thing is dependent on you, your sense of responsibility increases. You just cant flunk this duty, you have to perform it. And when your hard work brings result, the immense happiness which follows can be felt by only those who have done it and received it.

These things bring out the finer side of human nature, love, care, responsibility, dedication and the sense of duty toward other living beings. Which works as a foundation for better life.

a must skill..self defense

There are a few things which Indian parents often forget to teach the children, and as a result they are either deprived from some great joys or suffer dearly. I have jotted down six of them, and have distributed them in six posts. Even though I don’t and wont have a child of my own, but thought about sharing it with parents:
1. Self defense
The need of learning self defense arts may seems unimportant in the eyes of most of the Indian parents. Who somehow have built a strong misconception that nothing can go wrong with children, because no one harms innocent children. They need to snap out of that reverie, its not that thing any more, with the violence on the upward move, and too many provocations, life has become very complex. And mostly the innocent and weak bear the brunt. This harsh truth has been dished out time and time again that innocent, weak and naïve children or people are the main target of bullies.

The second main target of assaulters are women, especially women who go out to do different activities either in isolated areas or at odd hours. Recently I have read a few incidents and articles about harassment, in western countries, where women have the extreme liberty and have to face the extreme violence, they carry few things with them when they are going out at odd hours, simple available things like chilly powder, a bottle of perfume or legal guns which is capable of temporarily paralyzing the offender by giving him a low capacity electric shock. Combination of martial art with one or more of these weapons can give them lot more confidence to move around independently.

In today’s world these are the practical steps for career women in my eyes. As for martial arts, I always suggest my friends who have children to train them with self defense.

Learning self defense skill is full of boons from every angle, in one hand it gives a person the confidence to go out and meet the world without a bodyguard. Which most of the women still prefer to have when they are going out, especially during odd hours. On the other it gives immense physical fitness. I have trained myself to karate classes, could not finish it, but the immense feeling of physical well being that I enjoyed during those years was too self satisfactory.

Its not possible for us to have the luxury of simply playing some game every day, but once we have enough training in martial arts we will feel the inner urge to practice every day from home. Most of the exercises can easily be done from home and independently.

So in gist, one will have the confidence and physical fitness almost free of cost. These institutes charge minimum fees. All we have to do is be careful that the trainer doesnot messes up the muscles and bones, have the license and expertise to understand the correct methods of exercises.

a life with golden diva

We all come across them once in a while, or some of us who like me, grow up in shadow of someone like them. The immensely popular persons the golden divas of our famillies. My elder sibling had all the glitters which a woman should have, only those who were extremely close her could look through it but to others she was the ultimate woman, golden goddess. The perfect woman, who knew how to act like a woman, look like a woman and every thing related to a marvellous woman. She had style, grace in appearance and behaviour.

I natually grew up with her, as I was supposed to becaue she is my sibling, seeing her winning the entire limelight, she was every body’s favourite and I was almost invisible. A position which I liked then and love now. When I became teenager I started to observe the traits which made her popular and saw that she had a natural flair for winning hearts.

I was impressed by what she was but never tried copying her. I let her walk her own way and walked my own. In my life I have never looked down upon what god has given me, and have rarely felt jealous for the blessed ones. There is only one thing I really envy when I see in someone, and that is I envy rabindrasangit singers like shantideb ghosh, kanika bandhopadhyay or my mom, whose rabindrasangit I relish, because this is one thing I always yearned to learn but could not . Rabindrasangit is a special type of music written by Tagore and the music was finalised by he, himself.

As I stubbonly refused to copy her , we are so very opposite that her friends used to tease me, that you don’t have any similarity with her. We look completely diffent and our nature, hobbies, lifestyle are completely different. But its also a big truth that I never felt envy for all the limelight she won, most probably because I am saturnian, I believe in the harvest of hard work. I knew she walks out of her scheduled path to get that much attention and affection, and I just was not interested in winning hearts that much. Because from my very childhood I was blessed with a vision of content and to know where to draw the line beyond which I wont go to pursue a desire. I never wanted to be the one in the limelight, I always preferred selected but trusted friends. I don’t know the reason but I never tried to copy her or became jealous of her. This is why I get surprised when I see people trying to copy someone or become destructively jealous.

When we come across these dazzling characters, or are destined to live with them for years, we should always keep our own entity, and in place of being jealous of them or copy them, we should relish their beauty and grow our own beauty. Moon is beautiful but so are the stars. There are people who love moon as much as they love stars, and there are some who love stars more than moon, like me.

We all love roses and butterflies but do we ever try to become one of them? No. do we get jealous of them? No. Then why not act the same way with human beings too?